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Thursday, January 19, 2012

I Won’t See Me at My Funeral/Love Lies Floating

Recently, I was a call in patient on Emily Volman’s funny and entirely useful “Laughing with You” podcast/podcouch/ blogfest extravaganza. The subject was my inability to tone down my endless worrying; little did I know that the therapy would lead me to a concept that would threaten to tear my very concept of reality asunder.

People on the internet might NOT be my real friends? Madness!

If you wish to hear the aforementioned session, you can find it here, or on the iTunes. Don’t worry I’ll be here soaking in my narcissism when you get back. Maybe I’ll sing myself a little song while you read. (Shawn Colton does not own the rights to the likenesses of KISS, the song by Richard O'Brien, or the blatant rip-offery of Tim Curry's golden tones. ::Steps off of SOPA box::)

Welcome back! So you listened, what did you what did you think of...?

I'm sorry, what?

Yes,Caissie St.Onge is truly awesome.

So, as I was saying ...

Did I meet Ms. St Onge in the green room of the show? No, actually I was late and she had to fly back to...


Listen, this BLOG IS ABOUT ME!

What kind of friend are you?

Oh no! What if Emily was right? What if people on the interwebz aren't REALLY my friends.

I talked to the man I named my son after (and likely the only person that will COMPLETELY understand this entries title), Mr. D. W. Hanson,a.k.a. Ragz Dandelion and he seemed to agree with Emily's sentiment. To be a true friend, you need to see people at both their best and their worst.

So I thought, about it, and I have come to a conclusion. Looking around my house at all the things my internet family have sent me over the years, and then realizing that the ability to purchase this house was the result of an internet relationship I ...

Well, we'll leave that story for the next entry.

The question is ... what do you think?

Comment and discuss. Please.

(Special Thanks to the beautiful and talented DJ PlaZma for recording that karaoke performance, so very long ago. )

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Doctor Who Lyric Morph Challenge!

I might need help with something from all of you that are Doctor Who fans. I recently blipped Jane Monheit's version of "Waters of March" and remembered the Doctor Who special "Waters of Mars" So with a little help from Jane (she came up with all of the Tom Baker era references) I could only cobble together one verse and a chorus. Anyone want to take a crack at the other verses?

First, here's Jane singing "Waters of March" for those who aren't familiar with the tune, followed by the lyrics I slapped together this morning.

Daleks, Davros, it’s the end of the road.
He’s the last Lord of time, he’s a little alone
It’s a Tardis so blue, it’s a box with a phone
It’s a sliver of time, it is space, so we run
It’s a Robot of Death, it’s a trap, it’s no fun
Sontaran Doom, Rutans in the brush
Autons made of wood, which he has to crush
The Ood a song, a ship, a fall
The crash, a win, it was nothing at all
It’s the Cybermen march, talons of weng-chiang
It is old, it is new, and the Cloister Bell rang
And the Doctor he cracked at the Waters of Mars
It’s the end of all time, with a song in his heart

Feel free to e-mail me your verses at

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Oh My Stars and Garters !

I haven't posted in a little while as I've been under the weather. Not literally. I'm not "out of doors" as George Thorogood would say. Apparently, and this is a wild guess, you're more likely to catch a cold when your immunity system is compromised by, oh, say, a robot wielding urologist yanking your prostate through your belly.

The Boo Monster is going through one of his Superboy phases where he is ball of joyous unfocused energy. It's exhausting to say the least and I'm more than a little scatter-brained so it makes for quite the adventure. His manic behavior is accompanied by gales of laughter as if to counter-balance my exasperation.

Do I shout sometimes? You damn betcha! But a bellowing Daddy is a funny daddy. Or he just no sells it completely, as if he doesn't even hear me. I think he's trying to speed up my recovery through rapid rehab. Ya know, so I can be his big goofy butler.

I did something fun last Thursday, but I don't want to reveal what it is until it's posted, which will be soon. I just hope I didn't drive the whole affair off a cliff with my Irish-Catholic Richard Lewis-like mania.

Now ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Brigitte Zarie with some "Money, Money, Money". So talented, the brains behind chocolate wallpaper, and a really nice young lady to boot!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Angels of My Recovery Part One, and My Han Solo Like Performance in the Kegel Run!

The Epiphany: Angel Man Introduces Liza Jane to her Alternate Life as Jessica Claus

My support system has been mighty,unified and tireless during my ordeal, and the Angels of My Recovery span the globe, and I aspire to be worthy of all of the positive energy I've received, not just during my war with cancer (which we won)but through so much more.

First I'll discuss ,and sing the praises of, a very important Triumvirate of Spiritual Energy that has added me as the big shambling sidekick, a sort of Ben Grimm in the Fantastic Four. I'm not quite as creative, talented and spritually aware as they are but they love me anyway, and we vibrate on the same universal frequency.

After that we'll talk about my brush with incontinence, ya know, to even things out.

Sandra Bernhard introduced me to Michael Gardner who introduced me to Liz Carr and the three have been integral parts of my sanity and recovery. (Micheal and Liz are pictured above, Sandy sings you a song in the video below.)

Sandra and I were born on Michigan soil, Geminis, and while she was becoming a superstar, I was just feeling my way through a confusing life where I didn't quite know what to make of myself. We met several years ago on the Twitter and she has cheered me on through my trials and tribulations ever since, with unwavering love and loyalty. She's my friend and hero. Why did an internationally recognized creative genius take an interest in me? I'm just lucky I guess. Oh, and for those who feel that perhaps our friendship is a figment of my imagination and that I'm just some fan who likes to name drop, and I say this in the nicest way I can muster, please feel free to go screw yourself. Sandy and I have a spiritual connection even if I'm not taking the apartment. (Insert "Will & Grace"/ Blender joke here.)

It was through Sandy that I met Michael Gardner, who when he found out that I had cancer, rallied his considerable resources to come to my aid. I'm fairly certain he's an angel, which is why I call him Angel Man. Again, Michael was a person that had no real reason to take any interest in me, outside of the fact that I was a member of the human race in need of balance and a stay against the Widening Gyre. His energy is unlike any I've ever encountered. Michael is an artist of great talent and accomplishment. I'm just some guy who lives in Flint. I'm willing to believe that something more than luck is the reason we crossed paths.

Michael introduced me to Liz Carr, my Jedi Master. Liz knows how to even me out and helps me accept and embrace my perfect imperfections. We've both been through a ringer or two and came out in a good place. We have hysterically funny long phone conversations and if I'm one-tenth the inspiration to her that she is to me I'll be very pleased.

I don't just admire and respect these people. I love them.

And now ladies and gentlemen along with the brilliant Mitchell Kaplan, my Sister Gemini!

... and now let's talk about a complication of my RADICAL PROSTATECTOMY.

Mild incontinence. It's not a lot of fun. The upside is I get to do kegel excercises, so I have that going for me, which is nice. My urologist insists this is a temporary condition. But laughing is a treacherous endeavor these days.

So until next time love each other and for those who suffer the same malady as I currently face, wet 'em if you got 'em.

Oh, and good night, Miss Jhoni, wherever you are. I miss ya.

Monday, January 2, 2012

It's The Mayan Countdown

Happy New Year! 2012 : The Year I (Probably) Don't Have Cancer Anymore !

I think I'll start the New Year by plugging some remarkably talented people.
Tianna Hall One my favorites singing a song I thought karaoke hosting killed for me until now.

Tianna Hall - Creep

Also, it has come to my attention that Emily Volman has launched an exceptional podcast while I was all "woe is me" so I marathoned the four available episodes today: The Laughing with You Podcast! It's loads of fun! There's a link to it on the right hand side of this blog as well.

Speaking of Nashville: Mark Evitts is one heck of a "utility musician" and if you go to his website linked above, do yourself a favor and hit play on "Viology" Mesmerizing! I'd post it here directly but I can't figure out how.

I'll be back with alarming frequency in 2012. I hope you don't get too sick of me!