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Monday, October 31, 2011

20 Questions: Halloween Edition

20 Questions: Halloween Edition

Enough with all of the keening, wailing and gnashing of teeth; let’s play a game!
This multiple choice quiz will feature questions about 20 people I am thankful to have as friends.

The first person that e-mails me all the correct answers to the quiz wins … um, let’s see… I could call you and do a bunch of silly voices… or put you in my will or something. We’ll figure something out.


This question pertains to my very first nephew, Jack Lee, reaper of lost souls, and all around swell chap. We’ve gone to the Motor City Comicon together for roughly the last 75 years. I love him.

Which of the following is another annual event Jack and I look forward to?

A. On the full moon every April, Jack and I dress as Bucky Barnes and Jason Todd and scour the greater Flint area for criminals to kick in the nethers.

B. On Jack’s birthday every year, I attempt, and frequently succeed in choke slamming him straight to Hell.

C. We enter our prize hog, Cherylene, into the county fair competition for prettiest pig. She’s never won but we love her for her beautiful soul.


My sweet and supportive friend Jori Jenae, Hollywood make-up artist extraordinaire, one of my very first twitter friends and vice-versa. *HUGS*.

Which of the following celebrities has Jori not worked with?

A. William Shatner

B. Kathy Bates

C. Harold Lloyd


Jenifer Swift (real name withheld so that she is not constantly barraged with questions of how she always has such great hair.)She's awesome.

Jenifer recently sent me a package containing three WWE (WWF) Teddy Bears, what three characters did the teddy bears represent?

A. Hellena Heavenly, Sharkboy, ad Chip Fairway

B. Bastion Booger, Glacier, and Jay Leno.

C. Stone Cold Steve Austin, Mankind, and Kane.


Speaking of Hellena Heavenly, she is a phenomenal worker, and I wish was a trainer at FCW so that she could teach some of these "Divas" how to run the f**king ropes. Drives me nuts. Anyway....

Other than Hellena, which of the following three pro wrasslin' female heroes of mine have I have met.

A. Trish Stratus, Nora Greenwald (Molly Holly), and Mickie James.

B. Sherri Martel, Akira Hokuto, and Lisa Varon (Victoria, Tara)

C. Judy Martin, Gail Kim and Kia Stevens (Awesome Kong / Karma)


Lisa Ray has been a friend of mine nearly forever. We got reacquainted a few years back and it's been amazing fun. Lisa works in the television news industry (currently WDIV in Detroit),but when we were in high school, she was the queen of the stage. Her acting skill was so formidable that it required two separate leading men - both with same first name - to act opposite her in a legendary musical.

What was the play and what was the first name of both her leading men.

A. Hair / Alan

B. South Pacific / Scott

C. The Fantasticks / Petro


Erin Aiken is one of the kindest, diplomatic, and thoughtful people on earth.

What game does Erin routinely destroy me when we play each other?

A. Parcheesi

B. Words with Friends

C. Giant Monster Combat Larping


I have two friends whose names are remarkable similar to my own, Shawn Patrick Colton. Both incredibly sweet and clever individuals. Their twitter handles (Cthulu23 and Kouban) will tell you nothing, unless you cheat and look at their profiles!

Who are my similarly named friends?

A. Shawn Colvin and Sean Patrick Flanery

B Shaun Crocker and Patrick Shawn Kelly

C. Wallace Shawn and Charles Nelson Reilly


Anastasia McGee is an incredible human being with an unusual number of first cousins. Guess how many ?

A. 57

B. 19

C. 1.25


Sara Tweed, impossibly nice and Greg Stafford, a paragon of virtue, are considered royalty in what magical land. (Also visit the following Greg related website if you are an unsigned music act, Canadian, and VERY Good )

A. The Fuzzball Empire

B. The Nutball Kingdom

C. The Provincial League of Superhuman Entities Named Karl with a "K."


The extremely awesome, talented and lovely Danielle Tucker is the host of "The Golf Club" ( What state does Danielle live in?

A. Hawaii

B. Pennsylvania (Go Steelers!)

C. Florida


Karen Stupples, super-mom, incredible pro athlete, and more than all that a GREAT person. I call Karen "Champ" not only because she won the Women's Britih Open in 2004, and was part of the winning European team at the Solheim Cup this year, but she also won another championship in 2009, which tournament was is it?

A. Open de France Dames

B. Wales Ladies Championship of Europe

C. Ladies Swiss Open


My Twitter Cousin Erica V. is incredibly fabulous and her cat is cooler than Raul in Howard Chaykin's "American Flagg". What's the name of her putty-tat?

A. Zebediah

B. Pandora

C. Quentin


I dig a good love story. All of the couples I will list in this question are intellectual dynamos, physically attractive, and loaded with talent. Three of the couples I like a whole lot, separately and together, and one of them not so much.

Which couple is not on my list of favorites?

A. Phil and Karen Villasenor

B. Cole and Jenny Brooks Stratton

C. Virginia and Bill Corbett

D. My John McCain and Joe Leiberman salt and pepper shakers.


Speaking of love, my Twitter pal Ross Douglas waited a LONG TIME for the love of his life to return to him and now they are blissfully married!

How long did Ross have to wait?

A. Two-thousand years while she was trapped in the Pandorica

B. 8 years

C. 15 years


Holly Reier ( @Solitaire171 on Twitter ) stumped me with this trivia question.

Who, other than an occasional fill in by Bob Hastings, voiced the Raven in the Munster's cuckoo clock?

A. Casey Kasem

B. Mel Blanc

C. Scott Levy


In honor of my dear fried Mokes (@mocoddle), who I really, really like, and is one of the funniest and nicest people in the galaxy, I ask this question.

Which of these events never happened in U. S. History?
A.Prior to World War II the New York City phonebook listed twenty-two Hitlers, after the war ended, there were zero.

B. Paul Revere warned the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, by ringin’ those bells and by makin’ sure that as he’s ridin’ his horse through town to send those warnin’ shots and bells that we were gonna be secure and we were gonna be free … and we were gonna be armed.

C. Martin Van Buren had two pet tiger cubs.


Robin Olson (@ThePlushGourmet) is living a lifelong dream... what is it?

A. To be a human cannonball.

B. To have a place all her own.

C. To have a pony ... with two heads!


My friend Andy (@AndyCH65) is a beautiful upstanding person.

How many men with the first name Andrew served as the Secretary of the United States Treasury

A. 10

B. 1

C. 8


Kate Flanagan Siegel, a total sweetheart, is my favorite what ?

A. Blip FM DJ

B. Lawn dart player

C. War correspondent

and finally ....


Which of the following Twitter accounts do I NOT follow?

A. @HappyKappy13

B. @tyranthrax

C. @monkeyballs

So there you have it! Also feel free to leave your answers in the comments section or e-mail me at

The next entry is about the upcoming surgery ... and there will be 5 more thank yous!

I love you guys!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Boo-Monster Bounce and a Little Getaway !

Bouncing. It’s what Boo Monster’s do best ! But bouncing leads to broken box springs, bed frames, and couches. When we used to live in an apartment, neighbors would insist that we must be doing something horrible in our quarters. One actually went to the office of the landlord and claimed we were smashing things with a baseball bat “day and night,” and that was the* upstairs* neighbor. The downstairs neighbor was the building manager and he was forewarned that a 100 plus pound jackhammer lived upstairs. David likes to jump up and down a lot, particularly when he’s excited, which is frequently. Things fall off of walls and shelves, light bulbs in the basement come loose, C. H. U. D.s move to the suburban sewers, etc.

Why don’t we stop him? The same reason you can’t stop a hurricane. He is a force of nature. Not that we don’t ask him in every way we can think of, but it’s like asking someone not to breathe. It’s what he does.

Recently my friend, M, told me of the health benefits of the trampoline, that rebounding was good for the lymphatic system. Her husband had used it to great effect. Well, my new health-minded self, being slightly sharper than my sloth- minded self, realized that what was good for my lymphatic system, might also be good for David’s emphatic system.

::Prepares to be pelted with rocks and garbage by the bad pun police.::

So we’re getting a trampoline for Boo Monsters and Daddy Monsters!
Here’s a video of an alternate reality David and I voiced over by Tom Selleck:

I’ll let you know how that goes. The trampoline, not the fire breathing.

In other news, my wife and I took a mini-vacation close to home while my mother-in-law watched the Boo Monster. I, in my own self-important dramatic fashion, titled the vacation “Perry Prostates Last Stand”. I’ll assume that you can figure out why I gave that title to our little getaway (Brown Chicken Brown Cow!) and we can move on to the other things we did during the weekend.

I cheated on my diet and paid for it after we got home. Hint: If you don’t eat red meat for a while and then do, you’re asking for it. It was like I was burping up the souls of the eternally damned.

Naturally, like most people do when they are on a bit of a holiday, we went shopping… at the Habitat for Humanity store. We got some swell pictures frames and I found an Anne Murray 8 track tape that will definitely wind up in the eight track tape player I’ll be adding to the console of my TARDIS control room, which will be the subject of another post somewhere down the line.

We went to go see Paranormal Activity 3 at 10:50 in the morning, and both found it quite a clever little diversion. In fact, I liked it so much that I when my wife bought my son a helium filled spider balloon just before we came home Sunday I named it “Toby”.

Probably shouldn’t have done that since our new home was built in the 1940s and has produced some rather ghostly experiences, but that’s another story, again, for another post.

We also went out to shoot pool and sing karaoke, where we performed among other numbers, one of the two songs that we sang during our wedding ceremony ten years ago, Billy Preston and Syreeta’s “With You I’m Born Again.” People told us how cute we were.

We came home exhausted and the Boo Monster was on 11, so I think that little Mommy and Daddy alone time did us both some good.

I have an appointment today with my “regular” doctor to okay me for the rapidly approaching surgery, and if anything interesting happens you can read about here!

And now … 5 thank yous !

Thanks to my boss, Tina Prause, over at A&E Television Networks, who is always supportive and understanding. She is, quite frankly a super-genius, and one the best people ever. She also gave me the best gig I could ever hope for.

Thanks to Renee Yvette, my beautiful Twitter cousin. She is incredibly smart, wise, and kind, and a terrific hugger. Meeting her earlier this year was a moment my wife and I will always cherish.

Thanks to L. A. for telling me of your experience with prostate cancer, and the ensuing surgery, and keeping me from going crazy by reminding me that I have a good life and that this is a minor setback on an otherwise magical journey.

Thanks to Natalie Nicole Gilbert, whose fan club card I carry in my wallet, and was nice enough to give me a call and see how I was doing. The poor woman had to listen to me babble like a fan boy on meth. Buy all of her music. You’ll be glad you did!

Speaking of music, I’d also like to thank William Shatner, ; Jane Monheit, ; Dawn Langstroth, ; Alice Cooper, ; John Barrowman, ; and Mark Volman and Howard Kaylan; for providing the soundtrack that helps keep my spirits up. Gobble up their music.

Thanks to Julie Silver, who I found (by happy accident or divine intervention) through social media, and was completely awestruck by. She is ALWAYS a positive force on the universe.

Next time … It gets a little freaky! Or not …

Until then, Love Each other!

Monday, October 24, 2011

My Cancer : The Origin !

Warning: The following entry might be a little graphic for some people’s taste.

As far as origin stories go, my prostate cancer’s isn’t very exciting. I didn’t get bit by a radio-active compound tubuloalveolar exocrine gland and gain its proportionate strength, nor did I submit my prostate to cosmic rays during unprotected space sex, but here it is, the story of how I was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

I found out that I might have cancer of the prostate a couple of months ago when I received a 9 p.m. phone call from my doctor telling me that the results of my routine blood work showed that I had an elevated PSA. I figured that if my doctor was calling me during prime time something must be wrong. I also wondered how I had elevated public service announcements in my body. It turns out this particular PSA stood for Prostate Specific Antigen, and my doctor suggested I see the urologist as quickly as possible. This had me a little worried.

My urologist appointment was not the most fun I’ve ever had. I knew I was going to have the dreaded Digital Rectal Exam, which I had to prepare for in ways that we don’t need to go into here, but they were new experience for me, and I don’t remember those experiences fondly. Having never been particularly sexually adventurous and having never been abducted and probed by aliens, I was not very comfortable with a gloved stranger’s finger feeling around for abnormalities in prostateville. He found some enlargement even though his patient was “quite tense.” Next step: a three week regiment of antibiotics to see if my PSA levels would drop. This had me more than a little worried.

The PSA did not drop significantly in those three weeks, so I had to schedule a biopsy. This had me worried.

The biopsy wasn’t any fun either, but your mileage may vary, because the nurse said she’d never seen anyway “jump” so much during the procedure. The doctor said the biopsy results would be in within ten days. This had me quite worried.

Speaking of worried, the doctor mentioned possible side-effects from the biopsy but omitted a very important one: BLOOD RED SEMEN! Fortunately, I read up on prostate biopsies after I got home and found out that little tidbit, otherwise… Oh, the screaming I would have done driving to the ER.

After an anxious ten days I called the urologist, and I was surprised to find out that they had found cancer. I didn’t expect to get that info over the phone, but at least I knew. We set up an appointment for a cancer consultation.

The consultation let me know that while I could have a slow growing version of the cancer that might not kill me for twenty years; I could also have a more aggressive form that, if left untreated, could spread much more quickly, and eliminate the possibility of some of the treatments available to me now while the cancer is localized. Also, it’s fairly rare for a man of my age (44) to develop prostate cancer. I elected to have the prostate removed, which will very probably result in me being cancer free. I also found out that urologists are immune to the hilarious line “Rectum? Hell, it killed him!”

As I’ve mentioned in previous entries, I need to stay alive as long as possible for my son, and being cancer free seems like a good way to accomplish that. The down side is that after the surgery I’ll have to deal with a period of time with a catheter, followed by possible period of incontinence. Also there are sexual side-effects, that while going a long way towards never parenting another child, might not be any fun at all, and some of those after-effects will be permanent. Fear not, dear readers, you’ll get to read all about it after the surgery.

One positive I can get from this diagnosis is that I am now aware that I need to make some lifestyle changes. Through diet, exercise, meditation and some yoga, I hope to be healthier and more centered than I have ever been. So I’ve got that going for me... which is nice.

Now my five thank yous for this entry.

Michael Gardner, brilliant artist, better person. He has helped me immensely in finding ways to deal with this upcoming journey by suggesting meditation techniques, good music, and introducing me to my new friend Liz Carr, who I mentioned before in a previous entry and adore for her inspiration and support. He also introduced me to …

Marilu Henner, who really talked me off the panic ledge by telling me of her experiences with loved ones with cancer, and more importantly gave me ideas on how to become a much healthier person. I won’t lie: Hearing the voice of someone who I’ve long admired, tell me how to get things straight and that everything was going to be all right, was a very helpful and humbling experience.

Sabrina Zbasnik, http:/ , a brilliant artist who actually moved me to tears by creating a twibbon supporting me. She’s also met me and doesn’t hold it against me.

Christina Kim, Fambly member, aunt of the Boo Monster, and my favorite professional athlete ever. Her inspiration and support have been endless. Eye. Heart. Her.

Emily Volman A good friend whose name I like to drop.

Next Up : Trampolines, ghosts, and Perry Prostate’s Last Stand … plus five more thank yous !

Until then, Love each other !

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Ten Rules of a Wizard.

28 Days

Open Letter from Me to Me.

(Dear readers, I have written a deeply personal letter to myself, I thought I’d share it with you.)

Dear Shawn,

How’s it going handsome? Here’s the orders sent down from the mind and soul department.

Rule # 1

Remove “you owe me one” from your vocabulary. The feeling of accomplishment from helping another person in a positive way is motive enough to exhibit generous and kind behavior. No one owes you anything for being a loving member of society.

Rule #2

Remember that the universe does not revolve around what *you* want or even need.
Providing the people you love with what they want and need will fill your universe with brighter stars than you could ever witness by trying to be a big sun in a little galaxy.

You know the people around you are worthy of your love and attention, they will not forget or take for granted your efforts. Bask in the glow of the happiness of others… it’s warm!

Rule #3

For Christ’s sake, Shawn, stop treating your body like a waste dump. You’ve got high pressure, high cholesterol and prostate cancer … AT 44! You say you love your son and want to live as long as you can to take care of him, you’d better make every effort to get healthy, because you’re no good to him dead and if you don’t clean up your act, you’re nothing but a loser who loved crap food and being lazy more than you loved your family.

Rule #4

Remember, your opinion on trivial matters is not more important than other people’s feelings. Telling a Katy Perry fan that you think she sucks doesn’t mean that you’re exercising your rights as an individual to express your opinion; it means you’re being a dick.

Rule #5

Remember that your opinions on matters of importance must be *informed* opinions based on facts, personal experience, and your own sense of morality; not on sound bites, conjecture and knee-jerk reactions. Shawn, I’ve see your butt in full length mirror and no one wants to see you talking out of it.

Rule #6
Don’t waste your energy on hateful, ignorant, or self-centered people. Being angry at them is pointless. Ignoring them is priceless. Instead find the people who are informed, loving citizens of the world and help them do some real good .
Rule #7

Listen to the fates. Sandy introduced you to Michael, Michael referred you to Marilu, Marilu had you talk to Lloyd and now your future, once uncertain and frightening, is infinitely less terrifying. All four making time for you out of the kindness of their hearts. You must repay their kindness by helping others as best you can.

7a: Listen to Liz Carr, your Jedi Master, who will help you find your center, and I suspect be one of the greatest friends you’ve ever had.

Rule #8
Love your wife. Love your son. Lather, rinse repeat.

How could you not though, I mean really Shawn, if I weren’t you, you’d kick my ass for ogling your wife… and that MIND, that intellect is so formidable it makes me weak in the knees.

And David, the Boo Monster… the King of my World.

Always strive to be a better Dad and Husband … because they really could do better…

Rule #9
Be thankful for what you have: your beautiful family, your amazing friends, your newly purchased home, your great job, having one of the greatest humans on the planet as your boss. (You are brilliant, Tina!)

Also, show your thanks for what AND who you have in your life.

Not everyone is so very lucky.

Rule #10

End each entry thanking at least five individuals you love and respect.

Warmest Regards, Your Own Damn Self

Oh… I’ll do that now!

Annie, my huckleberry, the last few years would have not been nearly as beautiful without you as my friend. (@yogageekgal on Twitter)

David Hanson, he has known me always, the man I named my son after, and a friendship I will never neglect again. I love you man. Also a brilliant artist! (@ragzdandelion on Twitter.)

Sandra Bernhard, her love and support have been indispensable. We have Gemini-Michigan brother-sister telepathy!

Dan Stehle #BROTHER we’ve travelled up and down these roads a long time. I hope it never ends.

Lilly, one of my staunchest supporters and dearest friends, happiness is on its way! ( @lillianavonk on Twitter )

5 more tomorrow !

Until then, Love Eachother !

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The Farewell Tour of Perry Prostate and The Cancers

30 days

This is the story of my prostate’s farewell tour and the cancer that necessitated it. At times, it might be a little icky, so I’ll give an all caps warning when I might be going in that direction.

I’ll also be talking about sex, sort of, so if that kind of stuff falls in the T.M.I. category this might not be the blog for you.

Of course, the legendary Boo Monster’s adventures will be covered. I’m concerned he won’t be able to understand that Daddy is not his usual human jungle gym self after the operation.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Boo Monster, he is my 8 year old son David and has low-functioning autism. He’s non-verbal, which is not to say he doesn’t vocalize, and is quite simply the most unstoppable force in the universe. He’s also my whole world.

Basically, this blog will be a diary, and I promise very little doom and gloom.

I’ve been exceptionally lucky for the last ten years. It’s been an almost mystical bout of good fortune, peppered with the necessary humility, so as I could continue to “keep it real”. I met and married the girl of my dreams; the perfect little boy picked us as his parents; I lucked into a dream-job; some of my heroes are now my friends, and some of my friends became my heroes; and we moved into a brilliant house in Flint. I don’t think I’ve earned or deserve such a great life.

When I was diagnosed with prostate cancer at 44 years of age… well, I have to admit I didn’t see that one coming. It’s in its early stages, and since there is no way to tell how aggressive the cancer is, I’ve elected for a radical prostatectomy. If I were twenty-years older I might elect to not treat it at all, taking the gamble that the cancer was slow growing and something else was likely to kill me first, but at 44, even the less aggressive form could kill me by the time I reached 64, when David would be twenty-eight and still in need of full time care.

I’ve also been making strides to improve my health. I’ve treated my body like a garbage disposal for so long that at 44 I’ve not only managed to get cancer, but dangerously high blood pressure and some pretty scary cholesterol levels. Eventually, I intend on becoming a full-fledged vegan, who occasionally cheats on the full moon. So far I’ve knocked off all red meat and dairy products. If you know me, that constitutes a RADICAL change in diet. I also try not to stuff myself and only drink soft drinks once or twice a week.

I have attempted some rudimentary yoga positions, and attempted to center myself through meditation. The latter two being no easy task when confronted with the reality that is the Boo Monster, who requires constant attention and who makes certain that NOTHING non- David related will be accomplished while he’s home from school and awake. I empathize with the Japanese military in the classic Toho monster movies, realizing that the best way to deal with Godzilla is to wait until he wades off in the ocean to take a nap before even attempting to clean up after him. Unlike Godzilla, David’s path of destruction is usually a jolly one with no malicious intent at all. His energy is amazing. Before last night he stayed up for 36hours straight.

Hopefully, this semi-daily blog will help other people in my position and hopefully help other men who are relatively young that find they have developed prostate cancer.

My support system has been nothing less than astonishing. I’m putting this entry up before I can ask permission to name the unexpected angels and warriors who have helped me so much in the last few months. The stories of their selflessness will be the subject future entries.

I love you guys.